i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
