I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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