Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
