i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
