His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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