In the future we'll all be gay
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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