those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
