thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
