i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
