The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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