that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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