ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
another moral hangover. fuck.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
