America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
