Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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