If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
