Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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