Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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