If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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