well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
