I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize