Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
