i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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