you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
