Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I touched a dick in church today
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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