Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
