ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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