I think i peed on brittanys purse
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
