It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
