Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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