Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
