Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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