Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
