If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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