pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
