You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
