We're like a lot better than the average bears
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we're so committed to being not committed
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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