just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
