hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
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Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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