I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
