you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
