He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
