You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
