well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
