I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
