I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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