They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
