um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
