just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
