sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall