She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that