That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.