GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.