My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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