I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
