YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
