tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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