ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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