Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
