It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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