I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
