Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
