If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
