well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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