omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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