the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
