Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
