Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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