hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
