Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
