TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
