I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
