I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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