I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
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