Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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