Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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