i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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