still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
