I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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